Dad's Xmas Recipes (To Avoid!)

Don't try these at home, friends!

This month is flying by fast! Christmas will be here in just a few days! The ol’ Christmas blog has kind of gotten away from me this year, and I feel like I’ve neglected my thousands of faithful followers a little, and for this, I do apologize.

Today, however, I want to talk about holiday food. Delicious meals at holiday gatherings are as big a tradition as giving presents for many of us (though based on these historical recipes, I'm starting to think "delicious" meant something very different back then). 

Let's take a look back at some recipes from the past and see what holiday dining was like in "the good old days" - a time when apparently gelatin was considered an appropriate vessel for literally everything, and the concept of "food poisoning" was just thought of as character building! Bon appetit!

Aren't all fruitcakes mysterious?

Rockin' Around the Wiener Tree! 

That's tuna with green food coloring in the middle. 
Who says everything goes with Jell-o?

Festive Tuna Tree!
It figures that the Elf on a Shelf is responsible for this one.

Tree theme going strong here.
Hope someone spiked that punch!

Your traditional Shrimp Tree!

Anything in the shape of a tree is fair game!
Wait, is that bacon?!

Unidentified meat encased in some kind of decorative icing resting on a bed of green something.
That icing is definitely mayo-based! 

Holiday Meat Tree! 
Looks more like a Holiday Meat Heap, but I'd eat it!

Meat and potatoes in the shape of an igloo!
Finally, some originality!

Holiday Vegetable Loaf!
Looks gross, hard pass.

Handy Ham! Looks like a tasty desert, but it's not!
Frosting is mayo & cream cheese!

Well, that's an unexpected flavor combo.
Sure to be a party favorite!

Mmm, garbage fondue! Merry Christmas!

Apparently, "salad" meant something different back then.
No thank you!

Frosty the Slawman!
lol! I love it! - Bring out the Hellman's!!

Company coming? I don't think so!
Another edible tree from the folks at Underwood Deviled Ham! (no relation)

There's a lot going on here, but there is actually a baked ham in this photo.
(It's the green lump on the right.)

Cranberry Surprise! Top it with scoops of mayo! Yummy!
Looks like a pink nightmare!

Cheese Cones!
Who didn't cheer when Grandma brought these out?

In a Cajun mood? Try the Crawfish Tree!
This would be horrifying! Let the good times roll!

Ho, Ho, Ho! Pass the Alka-Seltzer!

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Now let's check in with Hermie the Nit-Wit Elf and his pals up at the North Pole!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermie: A friend of mine just moved into his new igloo, so I threw him a housewarming party.

Frosty: Well, that was nice.

Hermie: Yeah, but now he’s homeless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermie: I’ve feel like I’ve been having a little trouble hearing lately.

Frosty: Can you describe the symptoms?

Hermie: Sure, Homer is a fat guy, and his wife Marge has blue hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermie: Knock, Knock!

Frosty: Who’s there?

Hermie: Honda.

Frosty: Honda who?

Hermie: Honda first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

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Santa: Hermie, what have you been working on, my friend?

Hermie: I’m writing a book on how to be safe and not fall down stairs.

Santa: Oh?

Hermie: Yeah, it’s a step-by-step guide!

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Hermie: Have you ever heard of “Murphy’s Law”?

Rudolph: Sure.

Hermie: What is it?

Rudolph: It means “if something can go wrong, it will go wrong”.

Hermie: Oh, well have you ever heard of “Cole’s Law”?

Rudolph: No, what it that?

Hermie: Thinly sliced cabbage and mayonnaise.