Merry Christmas Friends!

Well, this does it for 2022. Another wonderful Christmas for the memory books! My wish is that you all got to spend some time with your special people. I know I did!

I also hope you enjoyed the blog this year, and that maybe we can all keep a little Christmas in our hearts until we meet here again next year. 

Peace. ✌️🎄

-DCB

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A woman came up to me the other day and told me she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant.

I was a bit confused.

I swear, I’d never met herbivore.

Dad's Pick: Santa Claus Is Back In Town - Kurt Russell

I've been trying convince everyone on the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness!

Favorite Christmas Presents from the Past!

Jingle Bells, Batman smells…

Like a lot of kids will this year, when I was young, I got Batman toys for Christmas. One year, under the tree, I got an official Batman helmet! This amazing product from Ideal Toys, was a tie-in to the super-popular 1966 “Batman” TV show.  At only 4 years old, there was nothing more important to me than Batman, except maybe candy!

Images borrowed from the web.

I have vivid memories of playing outside, like kids did back then, and asking my mom to yell at me when it was time for “Batman”.  This show was that important. We had nothing like a DVR back then, so if you missed it, that was just your Bat-luck.

Holy head-wear, Batman!

The Batman helmet didn’t fit me particularly well, and was not very comfortable.  But when I wore it, I was Batman!

I am vengeance, I am the night, I am Batman!

These things are worth a fortune on eBay these days, and for a simple piece of molded plastic, their monetary value is probably greatly overblown.  But to a little kid in 1966, it was the opportunity to to strike fear in the hearts of evildoers everywhere.
To the Batmobile!  Na-na-na-na....

So, what'd you get?  

____

North Pole Newsflash:

Elf steals Advent calendar.

Gets 25 days!

More New Adventures of Hermie & Rudolph - SUPER-SIZED EDITION!

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now!

Let’s check in once again with everyone’s favorite elf and reindeer, and Santa too!
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Rudolph: You know, it’s a shame nothing’s built in America anymore.

Hermie: I know what you mean. I just a bought a new radio and it says, “Built In Antenna”.  I don’t even know where that is!
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Hermie: What’s wrong Santa?

Santa: Oh, I’ve locked myself out of the toy shop again!

Hermie: Have you tried speaking to the lock calmly?

Santa: What good would that do?

Hermie: Well, they say communication is key!
____ 

Hermie: Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?

Rudolph: No.

Hermie: He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish!
____ 

Santa: Well, it’s almost Christmas. Do you think you can perform under pressure this year?

Hermie: Not so sure about that Santa, but I can do a pretty decent Bohemian Rhapsody!
____ 

Santa: Have you ever thought of doing something besides making toys?

Hermie: I once tried to start a professional Hide & Seek team, but it didn’t work out.  Good players are really hard to find!
____ 

Hermie: Hey Rudy, how do I keep companies from tracking me on my laptop?

Rudolph: Have you tried disabling cookies?

Hermie: Well, I ate the legs off a gingerbread man once. Does that count?

Dad’s Pick: Stan Freberg - “Christmas Dragnet”

 

We had this record when I was a kid and I would play it over and over. It came out long before even I was born, and I don’t have any recollection where it came from. It’s a fun record that was a parody of show called “Dragnet”, a procedural cop show that followed the cases of no-nonsense Sgt. Joe Friday of the LAPD. You don’t need to know anything about that to enjoy this great recording though. And it taught me what a scallion is, so it’s educational too! I hope you like it!

Santa: Why so glum, Hermie?

Hermie: It’s my wife, Santa.  She asked me to hand her a lipstick and I accidentally gave her a glue stick.  She’s still not talking to me!

Christmas Playlist 2022!

It’s here! Dad's Christmas Blog presents the all-new 2022 edition of the Underwood's Christmas Playlist!  

This long-standing tradition, compiled by ol' Dad himself, contains twenty-four fresh Christmas tunes that are perfect for rockin' around the Christmas tree or listening to while trying to find a parking spot at the mall!

Here's the thing though, you need to have a subscription or app for either Spotify or Apple Music to fully enjoy the playlist, and they may cost a little bit.  But hey, if you don't have either there's no shortage of Christmas music on the radio and internet this time of year, so don't despair, just enjoy! -DCB

Listen on Spotify!

Listen on Apple Music!

Santa: Where were you all day?

Hermie: I went to the "World's Tiniest Wind Turbine" exhibit.

Santa: How was it?

Hermie: Honestly, not a big fan.

Dad’s Pick: “Do They Know It’s Christmas” - from “Daddy’s Home 2”

Do you know why Santa’s reindeer wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work!

The World’s "Greatest" Christmas Albums - Part 2!

Last year, as you may remember, we highlighted some of the greatest Christmas albums of all-time that, for one reason or another (or many), did not receive the love that they truly deserved.  So, by popular demand, we look at some more of The World’s “Greatest” Christmas Albums (You’ve Never Heard)!

First up is “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” by Santa’s Helpers.  Santa’s Helpers in this case were a bunch of musically inclined dental hygienists from Canada.  They decided to use the holidays as the perfect opportunity to promote dental health, although by the looks of the kid on the front cover, they might’ve enlisted some ophthalmologists as well.

Top tracks: “I Saw Mommy Flossing Santa Claus”, “Fillings Navidad” & “Halitosis at Hanukkah”

Honorable Mention: “I’m Gettin’ Braces for Christmas”

 

Psychic, Mentalist, Mind-Reader, and Funky Organist are all words used to describe the fantastic talents of Korla Pandit.  Korla had just predicted his own success when he laid down the tracks to this creatively titled Christmas offering, “Merry Xmas”.

Top Tracks: “I Know What You Got Me For Christmas”, “My Crystal Ball is a Snow Globe” & “Christmas Déjà Vu”

“A First Christmas Record for Children” – (Various Artists) turned out to be the breakout hit of 1957!  It was probably the friendly looking Santa on the cover that drew in so many eager young holiday listeners.

Top Tracks: “Santa Claus is Watching You”, “He Sees You When You’re Sleeping” & “Krampus is Comin’ To Town!”

I can’t really pronounce this group’s name, but it loosely translates to "Giant Girl and Her Little Friends". They were a 60's pop sensation, and in the winter of 1968 released their only Christmas offering, "Merry Christmas".  Loaded with holiday cheer, this turned out to be the group's final release after lead singer, Hina Suzuki-Frinkleman, went on a rampage in downtown Tokyo, destroying several large buildings.

Top Tracks: “I’m Too Big for Santa's Lap!”, “It's a Kaiju Christmas” & “Rudolph vs. Godzilla”

Eilert Pilarm is the premier Swedish Elvis impersonator whose fame (such as it is) stems from his striking lack of resemblance to Elvis Presley, both vocally and physically, and his shaky command of the English language in which he sings.

After his debut CD Eilert’s Greatest Hits in 1996, Eilert released Eilerts Jul in 2001 which turned out to be the surprise hit of the decade!

Top Tracks: “Hound Dog’s Holiday”, “Jailhouse Rockin’ Around the Xmas Tree” & “My Presents Are All Shook Up!”

“Christmas with Colonel Sanders” came out at a time when ”chicken-mania” was at its peak! This record’s “secret recipe” for success was the old Colonel’s smooth vocals on some genuine Kentucky Fried Christmas classics.

Top Tracks: “Finger-Lickin' Under the Mistletoe”, “Jingle Bell Cluck” & “Buckets of Joy”

When you think about happy holiday memories, sitting in a brightly lit Waffle House with a warm plate of waffles on a frosty Christmas morn, is probably what comes to mind first.  The sensational “It’s A Waffle House Christmas!” captures that yuletide feeling.

Top Tracks: “Here We Come A-Waffling” “Deck The Halls with Eggs & Sausage” & “(Walkin’ in a) Waffle Wonderland”

Lastly, from the musical geniuses at Radio Shack comes this Special Collector’s Edition of “A Very Merry Four Way” (actual title!).  Featuring the talents of Julie Andrews, Vic Damone, Marian Anderson & Jack Jones, this “swinging” album offers 4 times the holiday pleasure! Presented in Quadrophonic Sound!

Top Tracks: ( … nope, not going there.)

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this look at some of the true holiday classics from around the world and I apologize to applaud anyone who decides to track down these gems for their own collection. If you’d like to compare this to last year’s list you can see it here!

Merry Xmas!

-DCB

Rudolph swallowed a silver dollar yesterday.

We’re hoping he’ll feel better soon, but so far, no change.

From the Golden Age of Dangerous Toys!

Well, most of us survived!

I grew up in a wonderful time.  No, we didn’t have smart phones or video games, or even the internet.  And yes, we drank from garden hoses, rode in the back of pickups, never wore seat belts, yadda yadda yadda.  But we had some great toys!  Oh sure, some were “hazardous” or “dangerous” or potentially even “deadly”. (Jarts anyone?) 

I had several toys that would fit in one or more of these categories.  One of the coolest and weirdest of these was the Mattel Strange Change Machine!  

"Create 'Em! Crush Em! Create 'Em!" 

This wonderful device really lived up to its name!  The way it worked (without getting too scientific on you), the toy would heat to a finger-blistering temperature, in order to soften a plastic square that would transform into a monster or dinosaur of some sort. 

Looked like Starburst candy...Tasted like science!

I'm melting, melting...

When you were done, and this was really the best part, you would heat the plastic creatures again until they were squishy and you’d stuff them in the “compressor” and smash them back into squares with the Mattel logo restamped on the side! Hey, I'm tellin' ya, it was fun!

Watch and learn:

This was an amazing toy, and about 10 years ago I found my old one in my parent’s attic. It was in pretty good shape, and to my surprise, it still worked! They don't make 'em like that anymore.

Green volcano shaped packing material was part of the toy!

This toy was eventually discontinued due to “safety concerns”, and I did get a few minor burns on my fingers from it. But I feel like those minor burns were like little life lessons for me and other kids, like: “don’t touch hot metal or melted plastic”, or “don’t put your fingers, toes or tongue in the “compressor” to see if it leaves a Mattel logo”, basically “don’t be stupid!”.  

I guess sometimes you can learn more by taking a few risks.  You know, now that I think about it, this was really kind of an educational toy.  And I loved it!

Here's a great website that takes a lighthearted look back on all the dangerous toys from the last century! 

So, what did you get? - DCB
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I dropped a hard-back edition of "A Christmas Carol" on my toe.

It hurt like the Dickens.

Dad's Pick: Don Henley - "Please, Come Home for Christmas"

Last year for Christmas I got a rear-facing camera for my car.  

I haven't looked back since!

The New Adventures of Hermie & Rudolph

Hermie: Why didn’t you make honor roll in school this year?
Rudolph: Because I went down in History!

Let Go Of My LEGO!

Did you know that 28 LEGO sets are sold every second during the Christmas season? These incredibly popular toys were invented in the 1930’s and came to America in the early 1960’s. (That’s according to my sources at the generally reliable Wikipedia organization.)

That was then...

This is now!

Originally made of wood, these tiny plastic bricks have become a cultural phenomenon, loved by young and old alike. They’ve evolved into videogames cartoons and major motion pictures!  Their impact on generations of kids (and parent's bare feet!) will likely continue for ages to come.

Here's quick overview of the LEGO evolution:

I never actually had any LEGOs. I had something called American Plastic Bricks. They were a lot of fun, even though they weren’t quite as versatile (or popular) as LEGOs. I guess I was a tiny bit jealous of the kids that had “real” LEGOs.

Felt exactly like a LEGO when stepped on!

-DCB

Rudolph:  Have you finished your Christmas shopping?

Hermie: Yes! I got my wife a new refrigerator. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it!

Dad’s Pick: Paul McCartney - "Wonderful Christmastime"

Santa was washing his sleigh with one of his elves. The elf asked, “why can’t you just use a sponge?”. 🎅🏼

What To Watch?

There are a lot of choices out there for things to watch during the holidays.  All the old favorites are back. Everything from “Charlie Brown” to “Home Alone”. 

Rudolph, Frosty, Chevy & Bing will all be lighting up our screens again this season, and I’ll have some thoughts on those classics later.

Today I want to let you know about a few brand-new movies and specials that you might like.  (Sorry Hallmark, Dad has the remote.)

These shows are all on streaming channels that require a subscription, but if you want to watch for free they usually have a free trial period you can sign up for.

Here we go:

Buddy the Elf vs Deadpool?

“Spirited” (AppleTV) This is a musical starring Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell.  We enjoyed this one.  It’s a comedy take on Dicken’s A Christmas Carol, with a twist.  Fast paced humor and lively music makes this one a possible future classic. This is actually Will Ferrell’s third Christmas movie. Watch this with “Elf” and “Daddy’s Home 2” and you’ve got a marathon.

You better watch out!

“The Santa Clauses” (Disney+) Tim Allen is back as Santa in this 6-part mini series.  All the episodes aren’t out yet, but it appears to be a wrap-up to the Santa Clause movie series. This is a nice show for the whole family. It’s Tim Allen – Oh, oh, oh!

Still has both eyes!

“A Christmas Story Christmas” (HBO Max) If you love 1983’s “A Christmas Story” you’re going to want to see this one! Set in the ‘70’s, thirty-some years after the events in the original, adult Ralphie and his family come home for Christmas.  There’s lots of nostalgia here and it’s pretty funny. 

I am Groot!

“The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special” (Disney+) Fans of the Marvel Universe of films (like me) are going to love this one.  Basically, a couple of the knuckled-headed Guardians go to earth to get a Christmas gift for Star-Lord (Chris Pratt).  That gift is Kevin Bacon.  It’s wacky, feel-good, Christmassy fun.  Don’t’ miss it! 

Those are my top picks for this year, but here’s a link to a website that tells when and where all the Christmas movies and specials are running. 

Happy viewing!

-DCB

I had a Christmas sweater once that was so full of static electricity everything I touched gave me a shock.  I took it back to the store and they gave me a new one…free of charge!

It’s Beginning…

Welcome back friends! It’s December again, and time to spread a little more Christmas cheer! The staff here at Dad's Christmas Blog has been working all year long to get things ready. (Ha!)

There’ll be more music and fun this month, along with plenty of surprises!  Plus, there’s a whole new batch of awful hilarious jokes to share!  So check back a few times a week between now and Christmas to find out what’s next. And be sure to comment! We love to hear from our millions of fans! 😊

North Pole Newsflash: Sources say that Santa has just opened a restaurant on the moon. Word is, the food is great, but the place has no atmosphere.